Deep as Eternity
by YanksLuver
Summary: Vaughn and Sydney reflect on the things left unsaid as they await their fate in "Crossings".


**Title**: Deep as Eternity  
**Author**: Steph (ILUVNYYANK@aol.com)   
**Category**: Drama/Romance

**POV**:  Vaughn/Sydney  
**Pairings**: Syd/Vaughn  
**Spoilers**: "Crossings" (including scenes with dialogue), as well as general season 3 stuff.  
**Rating**: PG   
**Archive**: Sure, just let me know where.   
**Disclaimer**: Alias and its characters do not belong to me. I do this out of   
a love for the show and no infringement is intended.   
**Summary**: Vaughn and Sydney reflect on the things left unsaid as they await their fate in "Crossings".  

**Challenge requirements**: Must begin with this line: "Much unhappiness has come into this world because of things left unsaid."  Story must be a vignette (one part) and must be between 1000-2500 words.  Your story should follow the thought of the above opening line. It should not be spoken aloud by your character, but as a thought flowing from his/her mind as you begin your story.  It should not reference the author of that line, Fyodor Dostoevsky. Treat it like it is your own, and let the character go with it. 

**Note**: Hey guys!   Thanks for your wonderful feedback for "Full Circle".  You guys are great!  This is for the February fic challenge at Sd-1.com.  (Requirements above)  It takes place during "Crossings", while Sydney and Vaughn wait to die.  First in the cell (Vaughn POV), then outside (Syd POV).   Anyway, hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought!  :) ~Steph

* * * * Deep as Eternity: Part 1/1 * * * *

       Much unhappiness has come into this world because of things left unsaid.

       This is it.  It's all over.  We're going to die.  We are going to die and there's still so much left to say.  

       "We're not going to make it out of here," I say, my gaze moving to the ceiling and then downward.

       She barely acknowledges me with a quick glance, as she busies herself trying to break free of her handcuffs.    

       She hasn't given up yet.  Whether it's because she's blissfully in denial or the most stubborn person I've ever met, I can't be sure.  

       She may not have given up yet, but I have.  We've survived a lot together.  Faced danger, even death, and come out on the other side time and time again.  Hell, we just survived a damn plane crash practically unscathed.

       This time is different though.  There's nothing left to do.  Those handcuffs aren't coming off and we're minutes away from facing a firing squad.  We're outnumbered and helpless. 

       I've almost died three times in my life. The first was in Taipei when I nearly drowned in that toxic liquid.  The second was after that liquid poisoned my body.  And the third was when Sydney was forced to stab me and leave me for dead.  

       All three times have one thing in common:  As I fought for my life or lay dying, my thoughts were only of Sydney.  

       I remember struggling to breathe in Taipei, images of her floating through my mind.  I was filled with nothing but regret.  I was going to die and she would never know how I felt.  

       I remember lying in that hospital bed, so weak I could barely keep my eyes open.  Again, I was filled with nothing but regret.  I was going to die without ever knowing what it was like to be with her. 

       I remember lying at the bottom of that hill, my life slowly slipping away, filled with more regrets.  I was going to die, only this time I knew what I would be losing. 

       I knew what it felt like to love her and have her love me back.  But I'd let circumstances stand in our way.  I'd never even told her I loved her, though I know she knew.  At one time at least.  Did she still know?  After all that had happened?  

       All three times I survived.  I was lucky.  My regrets didn't seem to matter because I would have a chance to make them right.  Yet, here I sit, once again confronting death and filled with more regrets than I can count.  

       I won't do it again.  I won't face death consumed with regrets.  I have to make it right.  I need her to know.

       I can't let it end like this...all the pain, the questions, the doubt.  

       I inhale deeply, then exhale sharply, as I turn to look at her, "There's something I need you to know."

       "Vaughn," she breathes in protest and shakes her head.

       "In my life, there is only one person," I say, my eyes focused solely on her face.  

       "Don't do this."  She won't look at me, but keeps shaking her head.  

       "Look at me," I demand.  I need to look into her eyes...I need to see that love in them, just one last time.  

       "Vaughn..."

       "The only reason I pushed you away..."

       "Please..." she's pleading now.  She knows this will only make things harder, but I can't help it.  I have to do this.  

       "The only reason I didn't know how to be around you..."

       "They're coming," she says, her voice shaking, as she turns to look in the direction of the approaching sounds.  

       No, not yet.  Please, I need to say this.  I've already hurt her so much by saying too little or nothing at all.  She has to know.  

       "Sydney..."

       I grab her hands and turn her towards me.  

       "I know, Vaughn.  I know," she says softly, her eyes meeting mine.  

       It's then that I realize she does.  I can tell.  I don't need to say the words.   She still knows.  She always has.  

       She leans her lips close to my ear and whispers...

       "We'll find each other. We always find each other."

       And, somehow, I know she's right.  We're going to die.  I'm certain of that.  Whether she still holds out hope, I don't know, but, either way, we will find each other.  In heaven or on Earth, we'll find our way back to each other because that's how it's meant to be.  

       She gently kisses my cheek, before bringing her lips to mine in a soft kiss.  I'm reluctant at first, but I soon give into the desire that's been eating away at me for months.  

       I just want to stay like this forever, reveling in the feeling of her touch and the emotions she stirs within me.  I don't want to let her go, but the sound of the guards upon us tells me I soon won't have a choice.    

       As we are forced to separate, I have only one thought: If I'm going to die, then I want to do it with her.  Then, at least, we can finally be together...and I can let the regrets go.

* * * *

       Much unhappiness has come into this world because of things left unsaid.

       We stare at each other, as we stand before the people who will end our lives.  

       We wasted so much time.  I think of everything I still have left to say to him and my heart aches.  How can it end like this?  

       It's amazing how we spend so much of our lives saying things that don't matter.  Meaningless, inane things that won't matter in 20 minutes, never mind 20 years.  

       And yet there is so much we don't say.  The things that really matter are left to the imagination.  

       I never told him I loved him and I never got to hear him say he loved me.  

       I knew.  I know.  No matter what happened, deep down, I've always known.  Neither of us ever had to say it to know it to be true, but I guess there's just something about hearing those words.

       In the cell, he was going to say it.  I could feel it.  The words were dancing on the tip of his tongue, but I stopped him.  Why did I stop him?  

       And then I realize it.  What Vaughn and I have has always gone deeper than words could ever hope to.  

       Before we were more, we could say a thousand words with just a look...a smile.  

       And after, we'd speak volumes with a touch...a kiss.  

       We've never needed words to let each other know how we feel.  I think that's how we made it through all that time before we could be together.  

       I realize now what we've been missing all of these months since I've been back.  We let the words get in the way.  The ones we said...and the ones left unsaid.  

       He had moved on, he was married...and he said he didn't regret it.  For a time, I let myself believe that meant maybe he didn't love me anymore.  And he, imprisoned by commitment, tried to convince himself that he didn't.  

       We let the looks, which had once said more than words could, become unreadable.  

       We let our words tell lies, allowing our imaginations to take over. 

       But as we sat in that cell facing death, the truth finally came out.  The love that had always been present in our eyes was found again.  Words didn't matter anymore.  

       That's why I stopped him.  I didn't need to hear those three little words.  I saw them in his eyes…then felt them in his kiss.  

       And as he stares into my eyes now, both of us aware of the fate that awaits us, I see peace...contentment. 

       I know my eyes mirror his.   

       For the first time in months, we both feel truly alive.  Ironic, really, since we're about to die. 

       We've let go.  Accepted the inevitable.   And it's all right because we did it together.  We did it knowing the truth.  

       Now, at least, we can finally be together.  

       Unhappiness only comes from things left unsaid if you let it...if you refuse to hear all that the silence says.  

       As I remove my eyes from his and face our fate, I'm reminded of a quote I learned in one of my literature classes years ago.  It's strange the things you remember when death is upon you.  

       _Under all speech that is good for anything, there lies a silence that is better. Silence is deep as Eternity; speech is shallow as Time._

       As time slips away and eternity is all we have left to hold onto, it's what we said without ever saying a word that will carry us through.   

       A look.  A smile.  A touch.  A kiss. 

       All done in silence; all speaking words that will take us from this life into the next, where we'll find each other once more.

       I squeeze my eyes shut and picture his face. 

**********************************THE END*****************************

 Thanks for reading!  Hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought!  :) ~Steph

 _Under all speech that is good for anything, there lies a silence that is better. Silence is deep as Eternity; speech is shallow as Time._ ~Thomas Carlyle


End file.
